Letter/Sandwich to FPC
Posted on July 14, 2009 · 5 Comments
Because our tour group visited some of the 7 Churches of The Revelation of John last week, I delved into the Biblical book of Revelation again to review those famed messages to the churches. I discovered that Jesus was ahead of his time in the personal feedback department.
Jesus – when sharing feedback via revelation through John – used the familiar sandwich model: Begin and end with positive feedback (the bread) but stuff it with critical substance (the peanut butter and jelly/ the chicken salad.) For example:
Bread: I know your deeds, your hard work, and your perseverance . . .
Sandwich Fixin’s: Yet . . . you have forsaken the love you had at first . . .
Bread: But you have this in your favor: you hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.
The metaphor of an Oreo also works, except that the creamy center is usually our favorite part of the Oreo and this is not usually the case for a Sandwich Performance Review.
David C. Novak, CEO of Yum Brands (Pizza Hut, KFC, etc.), said in a recent interview that his workers are “starving for feedback.”
FPC – as a congregation – does not seem “starved for feedback.” But isn’t the nature of spiritual development that we make changes to become more like Christ? If we are more interested in being cared for (casseroles) or merely eligible for sacraments/rites (baptism/marriage/funeral), then aren’t we missing the point of Christian spiritual growth? God tells us things about ourselves we need to know but don’t always want to know.
I – as your pastor – long for feedback that is substantive and ministry enhancing. It doesn’t help to hear “Nice sermon” because I don’t know what that means. I’ve heard that “management” is not my gift which on the one hand makes me think, “Good, because I am not called to be a manager” but on the other hand makes me wonder “What does better management look like for you (give me specifics) and what does that say about our vision for the church (because management that looks like “the pastor is a chaplain who serves us” might conflict with my theology.)
So, with the hope of lots of comments here, I’d like to offer a sandwich of sorts, in the model of John’s letters to the 7 Churches:
To the Church of Fairlington Presbyterian, you have endured enormous challenges over the past 63 years: divisions, disappointments, transience, and cultural shifts. You have displayed many examples of personal sacrifice for the sake of the gospel. Your love for each other is demonstrated in hospitality that overlooks individual differences. You’ve shown genuine love and concern for each other.
But you love institutions more than you love Jesus. (NB: This is my sin too.)
Institutions are important. Marriage. Denominations. Universities. Hospitals. Particular Church Structures. Clubs. They order human life and service.
But they are merely the instruments for serving God which is our basic life purpose. They are not God. We don’t worship the PCUSA or our particular church or a particular entity within our particular church. We don’t worship our jobs, our children, our spouses, or our favorite things/organizations/ideas. That would be idolatry.
We are really good at idolatry.
However, if we are faithful, even to the point of death, Christ will give us life.
Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the Churches.
Chances are that consuming that particular sandwich makes our stomachs hurt. It is digestable or not.
Whether we trust the one who delivered the sandwich is crucial. (Example: if I trust the person who gives me constructive feedback, it might hurt but I will readily accept it with thanks. If I don’t trust that person, then I won’t give it much creedence.) Am I still trusted? Are the elders and deacons trusted?
This question requires more than a blog conversation. But maybe the conversation could begin/continue this summer.
Wow. Don’t know what to say just yet, other than… ouch.
Brooke (and all) – just back after a long stint w/ very little communication possibilities.
Ouch is good response, or at least, that’s my response too.
One of my worries is always “How is this pleasing God (or not)?” in our ministry. It seems like a good question to ask whenever we are making decisions:
Does this program please God? (and why or why not?)
Does spending money on ___ please God? (or does it just keep certain people happy?)
Does this change make God happy?
We are a good church that can always do better.
Glad to be back in town for a short while and hope to read more comments.
HOW DO YOU, READER, THINK WE ARE PLEASING GOD?
This is a conversation best conducted face-to-face: there are deep currents here that are too easily misread in electronic communication.
For now, I will just say this:
Sandwiches are great. Lovely. Delicious. But I can’t eat them all the time. Sometimes, I need a big piece of meat on a stick to chew on. Sometimes, I just need a piece of toast with some jam, or maybe a little honey butter.
My point is, a diet does not consists of only sandwiches. Neither should our feedback. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of years helping teachers think about how their words affect children. One of the things we’ve discovered is that sandwich feedback can be detrimental if not used judiciously. Sometimes it really is better to separate our reinforcers, reminders, and redirections into separate statements and give them authentically at the appropriate times.
Otherwise it starts to sound like you’re only saying the positive because the formula says you have to, and it feels forced and insincere. Your listener isn’t really focused on your positive statement; they’re already girding themselves for the blow.
Speaking for myself, and myself alone, that’s why I sometimes seem (and feel) ‘not hungry for feedback:’ I’ve had too many sandwiches. This type of feedback nourishes the soul, but it leaves the diet unbalanced. I’m simply hungry for something else.
I have read this “letter to FPC” several times now and each time I feel more conflicted. Recently I read an article about Jimmy Carter leaving the Southern Baptist Church due to their refusal to ordain women. While that issue is something we have moved well beyond (thankfully), the author posed an interesting question that helped me in my quandary. “When a group you’re deeply involved in starts to move away from your own core beliefs, do you stay and try to change from within or, at some point, do you have to look for the exit?”
Agreeing with Michael, sandwiches are wonderful things but only if you’ve got some great stuff in the middle. Bread alone will not do it. I feel like we are given plenty of bread but not much to go in the middle. The times I have found that good stuff for the middle have been when I was involved in an elder led bible study with those who know more about this stuff than I. Through these Sunday morning bible studies I felt equipped. I must admit I have been hungry since these classes don’t meet anymore. I have tried to wrap my head around the “Year of Discernment” and the influx of the conversation “what do we call it, church or community?” I have heard people say “the way we are doing things as a church doesn’t work anymore!” and “the church must die”. All provocative statements that I had hoped would spur some great conversations. However, I have never heard anyone saying these things offer up solutions that help me see their point of view. Instead I am left with the feeling that I am doing something old and out dated(and sometimes wrong) because during worship I prefer to have a hymnal and a bible in my hand and prefer sitting in a pew.
All I want to do is worship God the best way I can. I have no interest in worshiping the bulletin, coffee, the pipe organ, or the building. I just want worship to be about God and not the new trend. Whatever that transforms into I look forward to seeing and being a part of. I just pray that there are many, many discussions about what this looks like with all of us so that all views and opinions can be heard.
Love these comments. The sandwich was just a metaphor to share both some good and the could-do-better thoughts. I look forward to the fall with a Wednesday Bible study on the upcoming Sunday’s passage that I hope will not only feed us but help us come up with a clearer idea of what the passages means for us personally and as a church.
We have a great church. I think that in our attempts to figure out what God’s doing with us next it’s hard (at least for me) to try to separate what God wants from what we want. Sometimes those things are the same and sometimes they aren’t.
The basics have little to do with trends. It’s definitely not about coffee or dress codes or whatever. And – as Chris said – doing “old things” is not in and of itself wrong. It’s about doing faithful things – which can be old, very old, new or never-heard-of.
One of our problems as a denomination and a congregation is that all of us are trying to figure out what the “essential tenets” of our faith are. Is hospitality an essential tenet and what does that look like? (e.g. can people off the street come in wearing flip flops?) Is reverence in the sanctuary essential and what does that look like? (e.g. can kids run down the aisle to the children’s story?) It’s one of my favorite things to talk about these issues and figure out why we do what we do.
There can be good reasons and not so good reasons for all.
Can’t wait to get back and talk some more.