Hospitality Corner: Talk with folks after worship
Posted on August 22, 2009 · 7 Comments
This series was not intended simply as a way for our church to strengthen our embrace of new guests. While this is important, it is not enough. We have to find ways to show love to one another. Too often mainline congregations do not know their neighbors nor do they know those next to them in their pews. Since becoming a Deacon, I have learned of numerous members of our congregation that do not feel connected to others in the congregation. We need to find ways to fix this. We need to embrace and love everyone.
One way to do this is to make sure that we greet guests and long-time congregants in the crucial ten-minute window around the worship gathering. And according to Charles Arn, president of Church Growth, Inc. it is not the ten minutes that you may expect…
We also asked the focus groups when they decided that the church was friendly or not. From the answers we got, there’s a ten-minute window that is pregnant with opportunities for a church to make a good impression. And it wasn’t the ten minutes I expected.
I thought they would say it was right after they got out of the car and walked into the building, but more than any other time, folks said, “I decided this was a friendly church in the ten minutes following the conclusion of the service.” Many feel that that is the first time people are free to be themselves.
Up until that point, you go through the routine and enter the sanctuary and follow the directions. But when the last song is sung and the last prayer is prayed, then it’s a free-for-all, and in the minds of the visitors, they’re asking, “Will these people really go out of their way to welcome newcomers like me?”
Mr. Arn’s comments suggest we need to reconsider how to be more hospitable to our guests and our fellow congregants. We often spend time after worship waiting to speak to our pastor. Or we immediately begin to take care of some church business. We often assume, I know I do, that we have already greeted our guests and those that we don’t really know. But this time after worship is when the friendless, those grieving, or those that want to talk about their joy are most likely to open up. It is the most important time for us to connect with our fellow congregants.
Here are some ideas on how to do this:
- Turn to others waiting to speak to our pastor and ask them about their week
- Invite each other to join in conversation and coffee during the fellowship time
- Talk to those that are by themselves and not talking to anyone else
- Invite congregants to lunch after worship
What else should we be doing? We have a formal greeting program prior to our service; do we need one after as well? What might this look like? How else do you show hospitality in this time after worship?
Wondering if anyone has any thoughts on ways to continue the wonderful, warm, inviting atmosphere in the area outside of the sanctuary while creating an environment within the sanctuary itself that allows for quiet contemplation, prayer, and preparation for worship via the prelude music? There are moments where it feels like a cocktail party is going on outside of a library : ) Ideas?
Brooke, great question! I am all ears of a good way to do this. I know a lot of churches do their time of fellowship in another space – say their Fellowship Hall – that is not a good fit for us because of the stairs. But would there be other ideas? Could we have a longer pause before the time of prelude? Is there another space we could use? Would it work outside?
Not sure, but would be interesting to hear your and other thoughts on a way to do this and also allow folks to continue their time of contemplation.
I was going to make the same comment as Brooke, and would now just like to add my “hear! hear!” It’s become a situation where one group seem to be getting their version of hospitality at the expense of another group that comes for quiet centering prayer in the sanctuary.
We try to get all musical rehearsals and warmups in the sanctuary finished by 30 minutes before worship time, because people are often there that early. When I do come in to play the prelude, it is always chosen to support an atmosphere and contemplation and meditative prayer. This atmosphere has become more and more disrupted over the last several months.
I have some suggestions that might help:
1. Move the coffee service and name-tags to the lobby area, or move it further back into the parlor and partially close the movable partition. This would create a little more distance between loud discussions and the sanctuary environment.
2. Keep the sanctuary doors closed after 9:30, so they only open briefly as people enter.
3. Have church staff and greeters set a tone of “keeping it down” when in or near the sanctuary once it is ‘occupied.’ Speak in hushed tones, and suggest things like “this is really interesting. Let’s move this conversation to the lobby or outside so we don’t disrupt the people praying here.” If others see the leadership setting an example, they will follow.
These might not be the answer – they are intended as thinking points. I think #3 is probably the best place to start. I also think this points to the importance (as Tim mentioned in an earlier post) of making post-worship time the focus of our hospitality. There will be less tension between different styles and needs at that time.
I want to make sure we are talking about the same thing (I said prelude went I meant postlude). Brooke and Michael – are you more concerned about entering a place of worship and needing an environment to contemplate God or is that you want this time of contemplation to continue after the benediction?
I’m specifically talking about the atmosphere during half hour immediately BEFORE worship – it has not been conducive to contemplation when the groups in the narthex are quite loud in the half hour or so before worship. My suggestions are all meant to be about this particular time.
After worship is totally different (except on very somber occasions like Ash Wednesday or Maundy Thursday). Let it all out. Do whatever. Our concern is for what’s happening prior to and during the prelude.
I guess our comments were a little off-topic when I go back and read your original post, where you were talking mostly about post-worship things. It’s just that the noise level pre-worship was particularly vexing this week so it’s fresh in our minds.
Michael, thanks for the clarification.
I talked to a couple people after the Deacon’s meeting last night but we discussed ways to do this after worship. Before worship changes things. One of the ideas considered for after worship that may be able to shift to before is having the greeters open the sanctuary doors which would be closed to reduce sound and potentially signal a shift from an area for greeting and meeting to a more contemplative environment. The downside is the symbolism of the sanctuary doors being closed. What would be your thoughts? (I know you mentioned it as one of your points above but wanted to see about the symbolism).
I’d also be happy to meet with you, Michael, Brooke, and anyone else and talk through the time before service to see what else could be tried. Not sure what they would be but perhaps by putting our heads together we can come up with things that will improve things.
Thanks for bringing this concern up. I am looking forward to working with you all to find ways to address it.
I don’t view having the sanctuary doors closed as meaning it’s “closed.” I think the symbolism is, “this is a separate place that we have set aside for special purposes.” To me, this is an upside: when we enter that space, we acknowledge the special power of corporate worship. It’s about a certain reverence that comes from that environment. I think having greeters open the doors for people would make it welcoming, because someone is making an effort to open the door to that space for you.