Hospitality Corner: Talk with folks after worship

Earlier this year, the bulletin for our weekly morning worship gathering contained a series of “Hospitality Corner” passages to highlight ways to assist our neighbors and fellow congregants in feeling at home with our church. Over the next few weeks, this blog will contain a few of these items “re-printed” with new questions, thoughts and ideas on how we can improve our hospitality to both our guests and our long-time members.

This series was not intended simply as a way for our church to strengthen our embrace of new guests. While this is important, it is not enough. We have to find ways to show love to one another. Too often mainline congregations do not know their neighbors nor do they know those next to them in their pews. Since becoming a Deacon, I have learned of numerous members of our congregation that do not feel connected to others in the congregation. We need to find ways to fix this. We need to embrace and love everyone.

One way to do this is to make sure that we greet guests and long-time congregants in the crucial ten-minute window around the worship gathering. And according to Charles Arn, president of Church Growth, Inc. it is not the ten minutes that you may expect…

We also asked the focus groups when they decided that the church was friendly or not. From the answers we got, there’s a ten-minute window that is pregnant with opportunities for a church to make a good impression. And it wasn’t the ten minutes I expected.

I thought they would say it was right after they got out of the car and walked into the building, but more than any other time, folks said, “I decided this was a friendly church in the ten minutes following the conclusion of the service.” Many feel that that is the first time people are free to be themselves.

Up until that point, you go through the routine and enter the sanctuary and follow the directions. But when the last song is sung and the last prayer is prayed, then it’s a free-for-all, and in the minds of the visitors, they’re asking, “Will these people really go out of their way to welcome newcomers like me?”

Mr. Arn’s comments suggest we need to reconsider how to be more hospitable to our guests and our fellow congregants. We often spend time after worship waiting to speak to our pastor. Or we immediately begin to take care of some church business. We often assume, I know I do, that we have already greeted our guests and those that we don’t really know. But this time after worship is when the friendless, those grieving, or those that want to talk about their joy are most likely to open up. It is the most important time for us to connect with our fellow congregants.

Here are some ideas on how to do this:

• Turn to others waiting to speak to our pastor and ask them about their week
• Invite each other to join in conversation and coffee during the fellowship time
• Talk to those that are by themselves and not talking to anyone else
• Invite congregants to lunch after worship

What else should we be doing? We have a formal greeting program prior to our service; do we need one after as well? What might this look like? How else do you show hospitality in this time after worship?

Hospitality Corner: Take the lowest place

Earlier this year, the bulletin for our weekly morning worship gathering contained a series of “Hospitality Corner” passages to highlight ways to assist our neighbors and fellow congregants in feeling at home with our church. Over the next few weeks, this blog will contain a few of these items “re-printed” with new questions, thoughts and ideas on how we can improve our hospitality to both our guests and our long-time members.

This series was not intended simply as a way for our church to strengthen our embrace of new guests. While this is important, it is not enough. We have to find ways to show love to one another. Too often mainline congregations do not know their neighbors nor do they know those next to them in their pews. Since becoming a Deacon, I have learned of numerous members of our congregation that do not feel connected to others in the congregation. We need to find ways to fix this. We need to embrace and love everyone.

One way to do this is to follow the words of Jesus in Luke 14:1-14 and put ourselves in the lowest place. In this story from the gospel according to Luke, Jesus tells those gathered at a dinner party not to assume that they are the most honored guest as they had each done. Instead someone should always take the lowest place or in the case of a dinner party, the place at the table furthest from the host. Jesus says that someone who does this will be brought forward and exalted in their deserved place.

There are at least two ways that I can think of for many us to take the lowest place on Sunday mornings…

• Park further back – Every Sunday morning, our parking lot begins filling up closes to the building’s doors. This leaves some of those in attendance with less mobility walking further than those that simply arrived first. Likewise, those that are arriving closer to the beginning of worship often rush to get in the building. By purposefully parking in a less convenient spot, you can show true love and hospitality to those that need the spot more.
• Sit closer to the front – Guests of our church community often want to sit toward the back of our sanctuary so that they are less conspicuous. If able, we invite you to sit further forward in our sanctuary. This allows our guests to take the spaces they are most comfortable with and allows you, potentially, to be more engaged in the worship service.

In both cases this would provide more space for those that need these spaces. It would be honoring the spirit of what Jesus asked us to do. We’d be taking the lowest place.

How else can we do this?

How else can we put ourselves in this lowest spot?

What other ways can we show love to our church?

Hospitality Corner: Talk with your fellow congregants/greet them

Earlier this year, the bulletin for our weekly morning worship gathering contained a series of “Hospitality Corner” passages to highlight ways to assist our neighbors and fellow congregants in feeling at home with our church. Over the next few weeks, this blog will contain a few of these items “re-printed” with new questions, thoughts and ideas on how we can improve our hospitality to both our guests and our long-time members.

This series was not intended simply as a way for our church to strengthen our embrace of new guests. While this is important, it is not enough. We have to find ways to show love to one another. Too often mainline congregations do not know their neighbors nor do they know those next to them in their pews. Since becoming a Deacon, I have learned of numerous members of our congregation that do not feel connected to others in the congregation. We need to find ways to fix this. We need to embrace and love everyone.

One way we can do this is to make sure we greet fellow congregants prior to our worship gatherings. Every month, up to six individuals volunteer to be “greeters” and welcome those that walk through our door. They hand out bulletins, meet people in the parking lots, and help people find their name tags.

However, we need the entire community to welcome each other and greet those be seated near us in the same pew. If we just rely on greeters, there will be folks that depart worship without personal interaction or connection. In addition, it may be the case that it will be seen as the greeters’ job. If you do it informally, however, it could brighten their day and show the love and hospitality of our church. It also allows us to meet new people and strengthen our bonds to those we already know. And it fulfills what we were asked to do in the Bible: Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. – Hebrews 13:2.

There are many ways that we can greet our fellow congregants and then go past it with vibrant conversations and therefore strengthen our community. Here are a few ideas to start some conversations before you begin your preparation for worship:

• Suggest they grab coffee – Studies show that having hot liquids in your hand make you more open and more apt to connect with others. Coffee and tea are available near the name tag table. This suggestion and power of hot liquid could be the perfect segment to a successful welcoming conversation.
• Walk someone to the room they are looking for – While we have signs around the building, the easiest way to find something the first time is to be shown it. If it appears that a new family with a young child is here for the first time, walk them to the nursery. If someone is searching for a bathroom, don’t just point, walk them to the hallway. The longer you spend with someone, the more hospitality and love you show them and it’s a perfect excuse to continue a conversation and move past general pleasantries.
• Walk with someone from the parking lot to the building – Again, having time to talk is vital to having a real opportunity to connect. Walking with someone after parking your cars is a natural time to have a real communication – it seems less forced as you are both heading in the same direction. You simply have to ask a few questions and listen to their answers. It can be a great time to get to know your fellow congregant in a less stressful environment.

What other ideas do you have for conversation starters? What ways do you make connections feel natural? How do you best approach someone the first time?

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Phil Tom, associate for the Small Church and Community Ministry Office of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), recently asked the question on his blog, “So what kind of mindset does your congregation and leaders operate out of – a spirit of scarcity or abundance?”

He asked this question as a spiritual version of the famous idiom referenced in the title of this post.  Usually the question is seen as a way to judge whether an individual is an optimistic individual or a more pessimistic individual (research also shows it can help gauge the right language to use in explaining a situation).  But, Phil meant it more generally than a single individual.  He means how we operate as a church, or as leaders of our church, and what our spirit is in making decisions.

Too often church congregations make decisions that are based on a pessimistic, scarcity frame.  Jan has preached on how the traditional model of placing importance on “Attendance, Building, and Cash” (an ABC church) has got to end.  Churches operating out of this frame are struggling and dying all across this country.  There is never enough of either A, B, or C.  We could always have a few more people in worship, or improve our physical space for kids, or have more money for ministry.  It leads to a pessimistic spirit – the glass is always half empty.  In its place she has hoped that we would move to a “Neighbors, Organizational Structure, and Paradigm Shift” focus (an NOP church).

Churches operating out of a NOP frame would see themselves as filled with the Holy Spirit (a church on fire, perhaps?), looking for ways to use what they have to bring others to Christ.  If we operated out of this frame, we would be less worried with the numbers of people attending service than with how those in attendance are finding Christ.  We would be less worried with the deficiencies of our physical space and instead with how to use the space we do have for supporting our common ministry.  And we would be less worried whether we had the money to do things and instead be searching for ideas that would be transformational or a paradigm shift for the community.  We would see the glass not only as half full but as was overflowing with the Holy Spirit and with our love of Christ.

As we think about the rest of the summer and as we prepare for Session-led Congregational Forums in early August on our building and grounds and on Christian education, I plan to reflect on the question posed by Phil this past week.  I will be asking whether we are practicing our faith with a spirit of abundance or scarcity, whether the glass is half full or empty, and whether we operate out of an ABC or NOP model.  And I ask that you consider it too.  What we choose to accomplish from our future shared ministry at Fairlington Presbyterian Church depends on it.

The Word “Church”

During this past week’s Sunday morning conversation on “Using the Bulletin as a Tool for Hospitality” a participant raised concerns that in written communication we have been substituting other words for church.

It is a concern that I share and have been struggling with for some time (and I am not alone – Rev. Dr. Mark Roberts, a Presbyterian pastor, has an excellent series on the meaning of church on his website).

Church is an amazingly powerful word and an amazing concept.  The theology that I grew up with in Calvinist circles (the same theology our denomination uses as its base) always taught me that church was not a building – it was the people.  We, the children of God, are the church.  Christ stakes his hopes for humanity in us, his church.  This core theological belief has led to many of Jan’s sermons imploring us to “Try and be the church as opposed to merely going to church.”  She blogged on this nuanced word use again earlier this week.

Yet, we often do not think of church as this.  Even with many sermons and with our base theology on the word church, we likely have a different idea of what a church is.  And it’s no wonder – even in the Calvinist circles I grew up in, I learned this nursery rhyme (and accompanying hand-motions pictured on the right) that you may know, too:

Here is the church,
Here is the steeple,
Open the doors,
See all the people.

Likewise, we make statements like these:

• I will meet you at church.
• Church got done late this morning.

These types of statements have us thinking of church as:

This view is also clearly reinforced by our wider culture.  When movies talk about a church, it always has to do with a service or a building.  Television shows, such as the Simpson, indicate church as something that we struggle to wake up for on Sunday morning or something to suffer through.  Even if we reject the struggling to wake up for or suffer through, we likely implicitly agree with/understand the concept that church is something you go to.  Not something that you are.

I think part of the reason for this is an epistemological bind that the word “church” puts us in.  The word actually does not appear in the New Testament.  Instead the word that is often translated as church in our English Bibles is actually ekklesia (ἐκκλησία) or literally “assembly, congregation, council.”  The word church actually comes to us by way of Old English and West Germanic from the Greek word kuriakē, meaning “of the Lord.”  The current English word church is likely a shortened version of “house of the Lord” (kuriakē oikia) and “congregation of the Lord” (ekklēsia kuriakē).  So when we use the word church – it is no wonder that it is used for multiple things and has a tentative link with our theology – we’ve both lost things in translation and we are using it as shorthand for multiple concepts and ideas.

Over the last few months, in things like the bulletin we have been using words like “community” and “gathering” instead of the word church.  After lots of thinking and many discussions, we had hoped that using these replacement words would provide a more precise usage of language and more explanatory of what we thought our church was.  For both new guests and for our longtime members, we would use words with more precise meaning to actually link with the meaning of church that we were intending to use in each separate use.

This brings me back to the conversation on Sunday.  As I said at the outset of this blog posting, I am concerned with using other words than church for who we are.  Church is a powerful theological concept.  We are the church.  We are of God. I do not want to reject the biblical concept nor do I want to reject our theological view.  We should use church.

But my concern is that we do not now think about church as being a people.  We think about a building or a service.  We are more likely to look at the picture on the left and think the church is what is containing the people instead of the people being the church.  We can write “The Church Leaves to Serve” at the end of every worship service till the end of time and we still will not replace the implicit understanding of the word as a service or building.

So I ask each of you – how do we solve this?  We will likely schedule an organized Sunday Morning Conversation this fall on the topic but that shouldn’t preclude us from discussing it this summer (and hopefully on this blog).   Help us figure out the answers to some of these pressing complex questions:

• How we claim to be the church in the theological sense and the Biblical sense without losing things in translation?
• Would it help to refer to us, the people, as the church and other things as gatherings or the building?
• Do we go back to Greek and say things like “church community,” “church gathering,” and “church building” and explain that church means “of the Lord”?
• Or do we simply give in to our cultural understanding and continue to use church for multiple concepts?
• And how do we do any of these things while being precise and being true to who we are?